


Ransom

by trepkos



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-03-08 19:36:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3220880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trepkos/pseuds/trepkos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during "In Common Cause."  Kai takes Cerdig up on his offer</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ransom

**Ransom**

Summary: Kai takes Cerdig up on his offer.  
Timeline: set during and after “In Common Cause.”  
Thanks to Ideserveyou for beta-reading.  
Mature

 

He’s long past ready to go home – fed up with Cerdig’s mind-games – but when Cerdig hugs him like a long-lost son, Kai sees the opportunity that destiny and Cerdig have handed to him on a silver platter – to turn the tables on Cerdig and Arthur, both. 

For a frozen moment, he hangs in Cerdig’s grasp, like a cloak in a hanging closet. Then he looks across at Arthur, waiting on the other bank, and wraps his arms round Cerdig’s ample bulk. 

He sees Arthur’s horse take two steps backwards.

_Leave me in Cerdig’s hands, would you? Perhaps you’ll find it harder to prise me from them, than you did to give me up._

~~

Giant’s Dam? It feels as if a giant’s hand has reached into Arthur’s chest, and gripped his heart so tight that every drop of blood will be squeezed from it.

He glances at Llud – a frown creases his father’s brow. Neither of them says anything.

Cerdig releases Kai from his embrace, and takes a step forward. 

Arthur pushes his horse a little closer in response. “The sheep and goats agreed upon are, even now, being herded to your side of our mutual border. My part of the bargain is kept. Now, do you keep yours.”

“Mine too, is kept,” says Cerdig. “No doubt you spied upon us as we killed our cattle – burned our byres. And this man” – he slaps Kai in the chest – “is healthy and unharmed.”

“Allow him to return, then.” Arthur still has hope that what he saw signified only a suspension of hostilities. 

“Do you see any ropes or shackles on him?” Cerdig sweeps his arm, encompassing Kai and his surroundings with the gesture. “He’s free to go – or to stay, if he so chooses.”

“To stay with _you?_ ” Arthur’s stomach turns over. 

“With his own people.”

Arthur snorts. “I’d like to hear Kai’s thoughts on that. He’d never –”

That’s when Kai stops forward, his chin tilted in defiance. “I choose to stay.”

Arthur feels the blood drain from his face. Llud’s, too, looks ashen. 

“Of your own free will?” Arthur manages to keep his voice steady. Though it comes out quieter than he’d planned, Kai hears him.

“Yes. My destiny lies here – with the Saxons – my own kind.”

As Arthur wrenches his horse’s head around, it feels as if he’s turning his back on everything he ever thought he knew. He lashes out an order: “Leave the animals! Go!”

Llud grips his arm. “You’re just going to leave him here? _Again?_ ”

“What choice do I have?”

“Well you could –”

“Plead with him?” Arthur says, low and furious. “In front of my own people? Cerdig’s too?” 

Llud sees his point, but shakes his head. “Well, if you hadn’t …”

The Celt warriors are staring at them. 

“You think I don’t know that?” Arthur says quietly.

“We will speak further on this, when we get home.” Llud turns to the watchers. “Come on, you lot – what are you gawping at?”

~~

Watching them depart, Kai clenches his fists. It’s all he can do, not to leap off this wretched dam, and swim after them. He masks his thoughts and fears as best he can. 

Cerdig slaps him on the back. “Kai, my … friend! There will be feasting in our village tonight!”

Kai almost retorts: “You said there’d be no feasting”, but he holds his tongue. Let the old man have his moment. 

As he walks with Cerdig, at the head of the procession, he feels the resentful gazes of Cerdig’s lieutenants follow him all the way. He’ll have to keep his wits about him.

The stink of burnt flesh and wood smoke still hangs in the air around the pyres they pass on the way back to Cerdig’s village. His boots feel full of lead. He hoped never to see the cursèd place again. 

What has he done? Ungrateful wretch! How could he do this to Llud, his father? Llud raised and cared for him; what matter who birthed him, and who sowed the seed?

But now he’s made his bed, he has no choice but to lie in it – at least, for the present. And by staying here of his own will, he’s forfeited any protection Arthur’s threats might have given him before. 

He will have to play the Saxon for a time – until they relax their watch upon him, enough to let him wriggle through their borders, and get home. 

If home will even take him back …

~~

Cerdig’s village, busy before, now positively bustles with preparations for the feast. 

Cerdig shows Kai to a room in the longhouse. “You’ll sleep here, until you’ve built your own place.” He signals to a serving woman. “Bring hot water, so that Kai may bathe.” 

She gives Kai an appraising glance, then hurries off.

Kai looks around, and sees a bed, table and chair; decorative pots, and a tin bath. Rugs cushion his feet, and hangings adorn the walls, keeping out drafts. These Saxons live in more luxury than anyone in his own homely village. Perhaps wheat brings riches …

“We can’t afford to kill one of the new animals,” Cerdig says apologetically. “But we have fowl aplenty.”

Kai hears one such unfortunate creature squawk its last, as Cerdig speaks. One sounds very much like the other to his ears.

~~

The tension among Arthur’s party grows no less during the ride back. Llud speaks not one word, but Arthur can hear the herdsmen grumbling, having given half their flocks to ransom Kai – that’s how they see it, anyway – and got nothing to show for it. The esoteric notion of protecting herds and game from some invisible disease escapes them totally.

When they get home, the first thing Arthur sees is Kai’s axe, hanging on the longhouse wall, in mute reproach, but Llud, pacing the floor like a caged wolf, keeps his silence no longer.

“When you first left Kai there, did you even ask him whether he was willing to stand surety?”

“No.” Arthur looks up from where he sits – beside the long table, not at the head. “Perhaps I should have.”

Llud turns, his face like thunder. “‘Perhaps’?”

Arthur clenches his jaw. “That’s what I said. What’s done is done. No point in going over it. What matters now, is that we’ll have to change our system of defences.”

“How dare you!” Llud slams his fist on the table, making plates – and Arthur – jump. “You leave him in enemy hands, and give up half our stock, because of some fool notion dreamed up by one of your priests, and now you accuse Kai of betraying our secrets!”

Arthur stares at the many marks Kai’s knife has left in the old wood of the longhouse table: most of them, when Arthur has made him sad or angry. “Who now can say for sure what Kai will do now? Even knowing he might chafe at my decision to leave him there, could you have predicted that he’d choose to stay with Cerdig?”

“No.” Llud’s shoulders sag. He sits down beside Arthur. “Why has he done this? What hold can they have over him? I still can’t believe …” 

Arthur grips Llud’s arm. “We should mount a rescue. Kai wasn’t himself. He can’t have been. They must have done something to him. Mistreated him –”

_“They?”_

Arthur falls silent.

“Wait a moment!” Llud’s face lights up. “Of course! We’ve been such fools! He won’t tell Cerdig about our defences – he must have stayed to spy out Cerdig’s! And when he’s done, he’ll return, with information!” 

Arthur nods. “Perhaps … I hope you’re right.”

~~

The feast passes in a blur. Cerdig guides Kai around the feasting hall and tells him the name of one fair-skinned, fair-haired blond stranger after another. Kai dutifully shakes their hands, and takes another drink. The Saxon ale goes quickly to his head.

Before he knows it, he finds himself back in his sleeping chamber, lying on his bed, with Cerdig sitting in the chair beside him.

What does Cerdig want from him? To use his drunken state to find out Arthur’s secrets? If so, he will be disappointed. Kai is not _that_ drunk, and never will be.

The candle gutters. Cerdig is looking at him strangely – as he has been doing all this evening. 

“I’m sorry about the treatment you received before today.” 

Kai can see the apology didn’t come easily. So different, Cerdig and Arthur, yet so much alike. “I was not much discomforted.”

“Good of you to say so.” Cerdig reaches out with one callused palm and touches Kai’s face, turning it to one side, and then the other.

Kai stiffens for a moment, but he sees no physical desire in Cerdig’s eyes – just intense interest.

“What do you remember of your parents?”

Taken by surprise, Kai has to blink back the tears that start to prickle his eyes. 

“Nothing at all.” 

It’s not wholly the truth. 

“I recall nothing that happened before Llud found me – took me in.”

_Oh, Llud! I’m sorry …_

Cerdig shakes his head. “Why do you think he did that? Why not just kill you – or leave you to starve?”

Kai looks sharply at him. “Is that how you would treat a Celt child, if you found one, lost and afraid?”

“Not a bit of it!” Cerdig puffs himself up like a rooster. “But it’s what we’d expect of savages like the Celts.”

Kai thinks of how the Celts offered, not comfort, but threats and insults, when Elka and Krist were found. Perhaps Cerdig is not so greatly mistaken, after all. 

Cerdig continues: “We’d have raised that Celt child to serve the Saxons – much as you have served the Celts. But we’d never have trusted him enough to put a weapon in his hand.”

“I was not raised a servant or a slave, but just like any other child in our village. Llud was a true father to me.”

Cerdig’s expression closes off. He takes a deep breath, then asks, “So where was this? Where did he find you?”

“I … don’t recall. He told me I was wandering alone in the wreckage of his homestead, after the Saxons had attacked and burned it. How I came to be there, I don’t know. I watched him bury his dead, then we travelled to the village where Arthur and his father lived. It was about half a day’s ride, I think.”

“Yes … yes …” Cerdig strokes his moustache. “I suppose it must have been very frightening – being put on a horse for the first time!”

“I don’t remember being afraid.”

“You were brave, even then!” Cerdig smiles, almost … fondly. 

Will this old fool _ever_ go to bed?

“Why are you so interested?”

Cerdig wags a finger. “You may find out, soon enough!” He slaps his thighs, and hauls himself to his feet. “Well, it’s been a long day. Tomorrow, you begin your new life, as a real Saxon!” 

“And you’ll put out word about my father?” 

That _was_ one of the reasons why he’s in this mess …

“Yes … yes, I’ll send out messengers. Of course, of course.”

Kai only half believes him.

~~

When Arthur wakes that first morning, and looks across to see Kai’s bed empty, he can’t quite believe it. Still. The longhouse seems so quiet, without Kai, stomping about. 

Llud says no more about it, but now that the danger of the plague is past, his unvoiced accusations burrow into Arthur’s insides, and make a home for themselves, alongside Arthur’s self-reproaches.

Arthur hears the men, whispering at first, and then saying openly, that they always expected the Saxon changeling to betray them. The village gossips shake their heads as Arthur goes past, as if to say, “We told you so!” 

The younger women look towards the longhouse with regret written on their faces; Kai’s favours will henceforth be bestowed on Saxon girls. They touch their lips, or lay a hand over their heart. 

When no one’s looking, Arthur sometimes does the same.

Without Kai by his side, he feels … diminished. And, in the eyes of his people, so he is. He slams about the village. No man dares neglect his duties, slouch, or fall asleep on watch.

~~

Kai means to lie awake, and sort his thoughts into some order, but his head is spinning from the ale, and very soon he falls into a deep sleep. It isn’t till he wakes next morning, in a bed that’s not his own, surrounded by unfamiliar walls, that the reality of what he’s done truly sinks in.

What is he doing here? What was he thinking?

Yes, he wants to find his Saxon father – if the man still lives. But that was something Cerdig stirred within him. His wits confounded by the lack of food and drink, he’d let the old man ensnare him; thinking he was playing Cerdig, he’d let Cerdig play him. And in the bright morning, with his head hammering from the ale he drank last night, Kai sees the stark truth: Cerdig doesn’t care one jot about his parentage! He just wants to hurt Arthur – as did Kai himself. 

Between them, Kai knows they have succeeded handsomely. 

He was so angry with Arthur, for leaving him here. He still is, come to that; Arthur put him in this position. Yes, it’s all Arthur’s fault – and yet Kai’s heart aches for him, as well as for himself. 

What must Arthur be thinking now? If he can think at all? Probably, that Kai’s fancy has been taken by some Saxon wench. 

Arthur will be making the whole village suffer … 

Kai almost laughs to think of it, until he remembers that he’s thrown away a lifetime’s work – the respect and trust of his people, hard fought-for and won – for what? Just to see the look on Arthur’s face? He couldn’t see it clearly anyway, from across the dam.

And as for Llud … 

Kai leans over the side of the bed, and throws up most of what he ate and drank last night.

The door opens. Kai looks up, embarrassed, wiping his hand across his mouth. 

A girl stands inside the doorway, with a platter of fresh bread in one hand, and a bowl of porridge in the other. All three must smell delicious, but the rancid stink of the vomit on the floor fills Kai’s nose, making him retch again.

“Too much ale?” the girl says, grinning.

“Something like that. Sorry – I’ve made a bit of a mess.”

“Don’t you worry – someone will clean it up for you.”

She’s lovely, and looks as if she thinks the same of him, despite finding him like this – but whatever Arthur might expect of him, having his way with a woman is the last thing on Kai’s mind right now.

How is he to get home? Harder than that, will be getting back into Arthur’s good graces …

He comes back to himself, to find the girl studying him. 

“Feeling homesick?”

“No!” He shakes his head vehemently, and it hurts. “Glad to be out of there at last! That nest of vipers …”

“Don’t worry …” she says. “I won’t tell anyone.” And out she goes.

So much for his ability at dissembling … He’ll have to do better, if he’s even to get through his first day.

~~

Without making an announcement, Arthur and Llud let it be known that Kai has not betrayed them, but has gone about some secret business for the Celts. Not everyone believes it; those that wish Kai ill choose not to. But the young women seem to tread more lightly. Sometimes, Arthur almost believes the tale himself.

~~

Kai manages to keep some food down, though the bread sticks in his throat, and ale for breakfast seems a bad idea. He drinks a mug of milk from one of the goats Arthur sent to ransom him. A throstle sings above his head. 

The same birds sing for Saxon and Celt alike.

Kai sees some messengers readying themselves to set out. It seems Cerdig is as good as his word. 

“Go to our neighbours, and tell them that Cerdig enjoins any man who has lost a son, to consider whether Kai, the Wandering Saxon, might be that son, and – if so – to come forward.”

But something about Cerdig’s tone, or manner, tells Kai that he expects no answer. Neither, in truth, does Kai. After all, Llud said he found him wandering alone. If his father lived, why would he have abandoned him? 

He’s given an axe – against future services, so Cerdig says – and a small plot of land. And though he doesn’t mean to stay, no one must know that, so – for the sake of appearances – he sets about building a hut. In any case, chopping wood gives him less time to brood. And so he manages to negotiate a whole day without betraying Arthur, or himself. 

Though they say nothing to his face, Ulm and the others watch him with suspicion and resentment. He doesn’t learn their names, or try to win them over – what would be the point?

~~

He means to change the system of defences – truly he does. It would be the rational thing to do; Kai might have unintentionally given away piece of information helpful to Cerdig. But somehow, Arthur can’t seem to find the time. He can’t let himself believe that Kai’s not coming back. Changing the system would just put another timber on the pyre of his hopes; but every day that passes turns another into ashes. 

And every night, Kai haunts his dreams

Once, Arthur gets out of bed, and finds Kai sitting at the longhouse table. He runs to greet him, but Kai disappears, and Arthur wakes with lead in the pit of his stomach.

Another time, Cerdig sends Kai’s body back, his flesh cut to ribbons. Arthur sits up, yelling, “No!” 

Llud wakes. “What is it?”

Arthur can’t bear to tell him; he just shakes his head, and gets up to start the day, and banish this vision from his mind. 

On the third night, a long, lean golden lion leaps onto his bed, and stands over him. Arthur wakes, afraid – aroused. Daylight is streaming through the rafters, showing him Llud’s bed, already empty. Arthur grabs a filthy rag, and spills miserably into it, moaning, “Kai, you bastard … come home … oh please, come …” 

~~

Over the next few days, while waiting for some nugget of information to land in his lap – tribute to take back to Arthur – Kai falls into a routine: building his hut; learning how to grow and harvest crops, and, in the evening, drinking too much ale. Sometimes he catches Cerdig watching him with an odd expression on his face – almost as if he’s proud of him.

One night, he and Cerdig dine alone in Cerdig’s private room. The food served is the best Kai’s ever tasted – the most tender fowl, the sweetest cherries – and the serving girl makes sure their cups are never empty. 

Kai wonders what this is in aid of, but he doesn’t ask – just waits for Cerdig to explain.

When they have just started on some candied pears, Cerdig leans over, and puts a hand over Kai’s. His eyes seem to glisten in the torchlight. But perhaps Kai is imagining it. 

“I have something to tell you, Kai. About your parents.”

“Yes?” Kai’s heart leaps into his throat.

“Your mother … I believe I knew her.”

Can it be true? Kai leans forward. “Who is she? When can I meet her?”

“She was tall and handsome – rather like yourself.”

Kai grins. “Taller than you? She must be a giantess!”

“Why you cheeky …” Cerdig slaps the table; roars with laughter. “You have her sense of humour!”

“But you said, ‘was’?” 

“I’m sorry, Kai. She died, giving you birth.”

Kai tries to mask his scepticism with sorrow. He doesn’t remember much about his mother – just some flashes of laughing eyes, hair like corn-silk, and being fed porridge with a spoon – but still, he does remember her. Unless his memory plays him false, she didn’t die so soon. 

“And my father?”

“He … hasn’t yet been found.” Cerdig stares into the distance. “Yes, I knew your mother well. She was a fine woman. The first, and only woman …” 

At last, Kai thinks he knows where this is going. “You never married?”

Cerdig shakes his head sadly. “But if I ever did, she would have been the one.”

_So … Cerdig thinks – or hopes – he is my father!_

Kai almost laughs. That’s why Cerdig wanted him, and no one else, for a hostage; why he tried so hard to make him stay. He’s never been in any danger here – nor will he be, while Cerdig still believes himself to be his sire. It would be foolish to discourage this belief …

“You must have loved her very much,” Kai says, patting Cerdig on the arm.

Cerdig just nods, and fills his cup again.

~~

After Cerdig rolls off to his bed, Kai, chuckling quietly to himself, goes outside to the latrine. 

As he comes out, something hits the back of his knees. He drops to the floor. A kick lands in his gut, and then another in his back. He tries to crawl away, but he’s surrounded. 

Someone snarls, “Go home, Celt!” Another, “Cerdig’s pet! We’re watching you.” Another, “Nobody wants you here!” 

More boots and fists hit him – everywhere but his face. Then, “And keep your mouth shut – or else!”

Then they leave him. 

Kai struggles to his feet, and hobbles back inside. 

Time to be moving on – as soon as he can. 

~~

“He’s not coming back to us, is he?” Arthur gives Llud a bleak look.

Llud doesn’t reply.

“I miss him too, you know.”

Llud breathes a sigh, and with it, the anger he’s been holding onto seems to leave him. “I know, Son. I know.”

~~

Next morning, as Kai limps out of his hut, a messenger arrives. Kai stares at him, and frowns. He thought he saw the same man just yesterday afternoon, and there are no other villages so close that he could have walked there and back … but the days have started blurring together. How long has he been here? Four days? Five? He must have been mistaken.

Cerdig glances at Kai, then beckons the messenger – no one else – into the longhouse, to give his news.

Kai pretends he sees something of interest on the ground near to the wall outside the room where they are talking, and bends to examine it. He hears the messenger giving Cerdig dire tidings – for the Celts. 

Reinforcements are on their way over the seas, and soon, the Saxons will come flooding in: enough to overwhelm the Celts. Cerdig’s to expect them in three or four days’ time.

Kai knows he _has_ to get this news to Arthur. Despite his aches and injuries from last night’s beating, he must leave tonight.

Kai spends the day trying to conceal his agitation by working on his hut. He drops a hammer on his foot, and nearly loses a finger when his axe hits a hidden knot. 

As soon as seems decent after the evening meal, Kai yawns conspicuously, and retires to his room, as if to go to bed. When he hears that conversation has resumed, he goes out, with no fuss, and taking nothing with him, as if to go to the latrine. Then he just keeps walking. He gives the shell of his new hut a passing glance, then heads for the gap in the hedge that skirts the village. But as he steps through, Ulm appears on the other side, blocking his path. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” 

“I was just going to get some –” 

Kai dives past him and makes a run for it. 

Someone tackles him from behind, and brings him to the ground. His knee hits something hard. He tastes blood; tries to drag himself out of their grasp. Another Saxon sits on his back, knocking the breath out of him. Someone ties his hands behind him. 

Then Ulm and another of the Saxons grab him by the upper arms; together, they manhandle him to the side door, leading to Cerdig’s private room. They shove him inside, and make him kneel before Cerdig. 

“Look what we found, trying to get away, just like we said he would.”

Disappointment flickers across Cerdig’s face, and then it turns to stone. “Leave us!” 

One of them kicks Kai in the back as they go out, but that’s the least of his worries. 

What Goda did to him, he has now done to Cerdig. And whatever the old fool’s familial delusions, nothing Kai might say is going to save his life. Traitors must die. 

While Cerdig paces, looking at the floor, and seeming deep in thought, Kai feels the hand of death upon him; sweat trickles down his back. He closes his eyes, and tries to compose himself as best he can. A man should face death bravely. 

If he’s lucky, they will sharpen the blade before they cut his head off. But there are worse ways to kill a traitor, and Cerdig may even enjoy showing Arthur and Llud whatever’s left of him … if the Saxon leader takes the time to gloat, before his allies sweep in from overseas, to drown the Celts by sheer force of numbers.

That’s what hurts the most – that he’s failed to save them. And now, he won’t even die, fighting for Arthur. However briefly, he will be remembered as a traitor to both sides. Yet, he will die a Celt.

At last, Cerdig comes to a halt, and turns to him. “So … you were going to betray your own people … again.”

Kai looks straight ahead. “You are not my people.”

“Perhaps you’re right, after all.” Cerdig heaves a sigh. “I did think … and you can laugh at me, if you like … I did think, at one time, that you might be my son.”

Kai says nothing. Laughter is the last thing on his mind.

“But how could any son of mine do what you have tried to do?”

Kai takes a deep breath. “I’m no son of yours, Cerdig.”

Cerdig frowns. “And what makes you so sure of that?”

“Because, even if you were my sire, Llud would still be my father – always.” 

Cerdig strikes him across the face. The ring on his right hand scores a line of fire across Kai’s cheek.

Kai knows he should keep his mouth shut. Cerdig could kill him this very moment, or – if he wants to keep his rugs and his hands clean of blood – could have him taken out and killed. He’d not be short of volunteers to do it. 

But for some reason, Kai feels sorry for the old man. Both of them just want the truth; at least one of them should have it.

“Cerdig – I am not your son. I know my mother lived to give me suck, and see me take my first steps in this world.”

Cerdig blows out a breath. “Well, I suppose I should admire your honesty.” He turns and walks away, briefly raises a hand to his face, then returns and looks down at Kai. “On your feet!”

Kai stands, and to his great surprise, Cerdig – muttering, “must be going soft in my old age” – comes round behind him, and unties his hands. Then he shoves Kai towards the door. “Get back to your precious Arthur.”

As Kai steps through the door, Ulm and the others surge forward; light glints hungrily on their raised weapons.

“Stand back, and let him pass!”

“But –”

“Do as I say! And you –” Cerdig gives Kai another push in the back. “Go on – get out of here! Arthur’s welcome to you.”

Kai takes one look at the hostile faces, and pushes past, before Cerdig can change his mind.

Once outside the village, he takes to his heels, and runs as fast as the uneven ground will let him. Sometimes he stumbles, landing with his face in the dirt. Once, he thinks he hears someone pounding after him – but it’s just some sheep he’s put to flight. He only stops to catch his breath when he comes to a wood. 

It must be three miles from the village. Even if Ulm and his friends disobey Cerdig, and follow him, they surely won’t be able to find him in the dark. So he lies down on a pile of last year’s dead leaves, and falls asleep under the stars. 

~~

At dawn, Kai drinks from a cold brook that he finds cheerfully tripping over stones, in the same direction that he must take. As he walks beside it, Kai can still scarce believe his fortune. Has Cerdig really sent him home – and with vital information about an invasion? Surely not … Most likely there are no Saxons on the way; that message – just a ploy to draw him out. 

Kai’s relief is tempered by regret at the loss of his way back into Arthur’s good graces. Perhaps Arthur doesn’t need to know that Cerdig set him free … 

No … he can’t put all the Celtic tribes on high alert without good reason; in any case, he is a poor liar, and Cerdig might one day mention it.

Around midday, as Kai reaches the woods of home, elation and trepidation fight for mastery of his heart. He strokes the bark of the great oak that marks to border of the lands they call their own. It was under the protection of these ancient spreading boughs that Arthur and he first kissed. 

Kai knows that he was Arthur’s first and only … 

Surely Arthur will take him back? 

Kai chips off a piece of bark, and puts it in his pocket for good luck. 

~~

That day, Arthur wakes with a hollow feeling. It’s time to accept it; Kai is gone. Whose fault it is doesn’t matter any more. He isn’t coming back. 

The blue sky mocks him, with its cheerful puffs of white cloud, and the sun, warming his back, grates on his nerves. He sweats and trudges through his duties – meeting minor village leaders and dispensing wisdom – till mid-afternoon. Meanwhile, the whole village – everyone who can be spared – heads down to the stream to bathe, and cool off. 

Even when Arthur’s work is done, he isn’t in the mood to watch others having a good time, splashing about. Instead, he saddles Merlin, and tears out of the village, up to the downs, letting the horse have its head: not caring where it takes him. Angry with Kai and angrier with himself, he rides faster and faster, till Merlin’s flanks are flecked with foam. The wind makes his eyes sting – that’s all it is. 

As if to add to his torment, the damned horse comes to a panting halt beside that thrice-damned oak tree. 

Arthur throws himself from his mount, and punches the gnarled trunk until his knuckles bleed. Then he leans against it, puts his head in his hands, and sobs, and sobs, until his chest and throat are sore. He sucks the blood off his knuckles, and rests his forehead against the bark. Then he notices a little patch is missing – as if it has been chipped away on purpose. And the old tree’s wound is fresh. 

Why would someone …?

Arthur leaps onto his startled horse, and kicks for home.

~~

Setting off no warnings, Kai manages to sneak past the outlying sentries drowsing in the late afternoon heat, to reach the edge of his home village. He hears shouts and laughter from the stream as he goes past; everyone who is not at work will be bathing and splashing, keeping cool, learning to swim. The buzz of insects fills the air. 

What should he do? Walk straight in, by the front gate? Will he be welcomed home – a lost sheep to the fold – or treated as an enemy? 

That’s something only the village leader can decide. So he must see Arthur first … alone. Thinking to catch him when he inspects the horses, as he does each evening, Kai slips into the stables.

Merlin’s stall is empty; Arthur must be out riding. 

Kai goes into the stall, conceals himself behind a bale of straw, and lies in wait. The heat lies heavy upon him, and, like the sentries, he starts to doze. Half dreaming, he imagines Arthur pushing wide the stable door, the light framing the profile that Kai knows and loves so well. Seeing him, Arthur’s eyes light up; his arms open to embrace him. 

A straw tickles Kai’s nose and wakes him from his reverie.

He hears hoof-beats. Soon after that, the door creaks open. Over the top of the stall, Kai sees Merlin’s head and neck come into view, then Arthur leads his horse in.

Kai, his heart pounding in his throat, gets to his feet. 

Arthur stops in his tracks. “You …” 

His face twitches. With movements brisk and precise, he tethers his horse, and starts taking off its saddlebags. “How long have you been back?”

“About an hour … maybe two.”

“Have you seen Llud?”

“No.” Kai notices a catch in Arthur’s voice – as if he’s been crying – so he takes a step towards him. 

Arthur turns, his face furious. “You came back two hours ago, and you haven’t been to see him yet? Have you any idea –”

“I wanted to see you first – find out what kind of welcome I would get.”

“What kind did you expect?” Arthur drops the saddlebags; his jaw clenched, he turns his attention to unbuckling his horse’s girth. “A fatted calf, killed in your honour?”

Kai almost laughs, remembering his foolish dream. “No! I expected this.” 

“And what made you decide to finally bless us with your presence?” 

“That’s putting the cart before the horse. Alright then. Yesterday, I overheard a messenger, telling Cerdig that many Saxon reinforcements are on their way over the seas. So I waited for night, then made my escape.”

Arthur turns slowly. “So … when you chose to stay with Cerdig, it _was_ to spy on him …?” 

His voice has softened, but he still looks suspicious – ready to strike out.

Kai drops his gaze. “That was a big part of it, yes.”

“And the rest?” 

“What do _you_ think?” Kai says quietly, looking up at him once more. “I was angry with you … and Cerdig promised to find out who sired me. I was curious. Can you blame me?”

Arthur purses his lips. “I suppose not. So, what did you find out?”

“Not one thing – except that Cerdig thought he was my father.”

“He thought …” Arthur snorts. “That midget?” He frowns, and quickly curbs his laughter. “He wasn’t, was he?”

“No. It didn’t fit.”

“But that was why he wanted _you_ as a hostage?”

“So it seems.”

“Huh …” Arthur sets to work on his horse’s bridle. “So, when are these foreign fighters to arrive?”

Kai draws in a deep breath. “I’m not sure there are any. I think Cerdig was testing me – to see whether I would try to sneak away.”

“But you escaped, anyway – he laid no ambush for you?”

Kai swallows. “No, Arthur. He let me go.”

Arthur turns, frowning slightly. “Well, he thought you were his son.”

“No. He knew by then, I couldn’t be.”

“And yet, after you’d betrayed him, he didn’t have you put to death … I wonder why.” Arthur looks sidelong at him.

Kai shrugs. “It may be that the Saxons aren’t the savages we take them for. Nevertheless, I don’t think he’d have let me go, if the message I heard were true.”

Arthur nods soberly. “That’s well-reasoned. Unless there are so many Saxons coming, that foreknowledge won’t help us. But why let you come back here, anyway?”

Kai shrugs again. “You’d have to ask him that. Perhaps the old fox wanted us to mobilise, as if for an invasion – prematurely deploy whatever force we can muster – so he could assess our strength –”

“– and cause our allies to distrust our warnings, when a real invasion comes.”

“Perhaps.” Kai shakes his head. “I’ve died so many times these last few days, I’m still not totally convinced I’m really here, never mind the how and why of it.” 

Arthur bites his lip. “Have you eaten today?”

“Not one morsel.”

“Well … let’s not come to any rash conclusions on an empty stomach.” Arthur lgoes to the stable door, and calls out, “Ewan – rub my horse down for me, and get him settled, would you?”

The lad comes running, stares at Kai, then picks up a brush and sets to work.

Arthur jerks his head. “Come – let’s go and get some food inside our bellies.”

Kai follows him out.

~~

Arthur pushes the door open. “Llud – someone to see you.”

As Kai takes a tentative step into the familiar room, Llud – sitting at the table, picking at his food – raises his head. The broadest smile lights up his face. 

“Kai!” 

At least his father isn’t angry with him. Kai feels a surge of love and relief that almost sends him to his knees. 

Llud slams a fist on the table, leaps to his feet, strides across the room, slaps Kai on the back, pulls him into a hug, then shakes him thoroughly. “Where have you been, you scoundrel?”

Kai grins. “Reconnaissance.”

“There! Didn’t I tell you?” Llud gives Arthur a triumphant grin. “What did you find out, Kai?”

“Not sure – we’ll have to check it out. There may be a big contingent of Saxons coming soon across the sea – but it might just be a bluff.”

“Arthur?”

“Tomorrow, at dawn, I’ll send out men to watch the coast – and word to our allies, to be vigilant. I don’t believe the danger is immediate.”

“Still – best to be prepared, eh? Well done, Son!” Llud slops some stew onto a plate, and pushes it towards Kai. “Sit down and eat!”

As Kai sits, and sets to work, Llud comes over to him again, and puts a hand on his shoulder. “It’s good to have you back!”

Kai looks up at Llud, and then across the room at Arthur. “It’s good to be back.”

Arthur nods abruptly; Llud sends him a questioning look. 

“Yes, it’s good to see you,” Arthur says stiffly. “You look well.”

“Once they thought I’d joined them, I was fed handsomely, to make up for –” Kai glances at Llud, and stops.

Fortunately Esla comes in, bearing an apple pie.

While Llud sets to work on it, Kai lets his gaze wander around the room. After Cerdig’s opulent accommodations, their home looks more threadbare than before. Still, it is home. 

He can still see the mark he and Arthur carved, halfway along the table: the boundary between two territories, on either side of which they used to mass their twig-and-pebble armies, before joining them in battle, throwing a dice to see what moves they were allowed to make; how many men were slain in each imagined skirmish. 

Tracing the notional frontier with his finger, Kai glances up at Arthur; their eyes meet, in shared memory. His lips pursed, Arthur drops his gaze. Those childish conflicts seem very far away ...

And so the evening passes. Arthur is mostly silent. Kai tries to fill the void, telling Llud what he can, concerning his sojourn in Cerdig’s camp, and catching up on what’s been going on. Llud drinks too much, gets sentimental, and trundles off to bed, leaving the two of them alone.

Arthur gets up, crosses the room to the side table, pours himself more mead from a jug, takes a drink, then sets his cup down with elaborate precision, and looks up at Kai. “I thought you’d really left us this time.” He lowers his voice. “Left _me_.”

Long past ready to have this out, Kai quickly sobers up. “As _you_ left _me_?”

Arthur flinches. “I had no choice.”

“No, Arthur – it was I who had no choice. You did. You chose for me.”

Arthur glances at the bedroom door. Kai understands. For Llud’s sake, they must keep their voices down. It won’t be easy.

“You heard Cerdig,” Arthur whispers. “He would accept no other hostage.”

“You could have trusted me – _asked_ me to stand surety.” 

Arthur blinks, as if he hadn’t thought of it. “Would you have done it – had I asked?”

“If you had asked it of me – yes. But you didn’t allow me the dignity of making that sacrifice for you, and for our people. You just –” Kai’s throat tightens; he can barely get the words out – “just traded me like a sack of horse-feed.”

Arthur looks chastened. “I didn’t expect … Cerdig took me by surprise. I didn’t want to show weakness.”

“Is it weakness, if your right-hand man is willing to take such a step for you?”

“No, but –” 

“And is it strength, to hand over your second-in-command, just because your enemy demands it?”

“I … I suppose not.”

“And had Cerdig been willing to accept another hostage, would you have just sent someone at random – chosen with no chance of appeal?”

“No,” Arthur says, his voice almost inaudible. “I would have asked someone to volunteer. Kai, I see I was in error.”

“Yes … you were.” Kai slams his mug down. “I’m going to my bed.”

Arthur grips his arm as he goes past. “Kai – tell me what to do … to make things right between us.”

“Swear to me – the word that cannot be re-called – that you will never do that to me again.”

Arthur drops his gaze. 

Kai pulls free, and backs away from Arthur, giving him one last chance, but Arthur remains looking at the floor. His fists clenched, Kai turns on his heel, takes a deep breath, then goes into the bedroom, and quietly shuts the door.

~~

Kai doesn’t even know why he’s surprised – Arthur would never tie his own hands behind his back, by making such a promise. And by demanding it, Kai has trapped himself in a corner. If he softens towards Arthur, with no promise made, then he will be forever under Arthur’s foot. And if he holds firm …

He wraps himself in his rough blanket, and lies facing the wall.

Some hours later, he hears the door creak open. Arthur pads in quietly, stops for a moment, then gets into his own bed. Kai hears him sigh, and toss and turn, and sigh again. At last, his breathing settles as he falls asleep.

Neither of them can change. Why did he even think it? Arthur’s first thought will always be his people – all of them, not just him. At last, sleep claims Kai too. 

~~

Kai wakes at first light, to see Arthur’s bed empty. He throws off his covers. Careful not to waken Llud, he pads softly across the floor, and enters the main room, where he sees Arthur’s Bible, lying open on the table. 

Kai cannot read its language, but he knows that Arthur – when he is sorely troubled – goes to this book for comfort, or for guidance. He looks at the page Arthur was reading, and runs his finger over an illuminated letter, upon which the son of Arthur’s god hangs, spread in crucifixion. 

Once, Kai asked Arthur why a god would let his son die, and in such pain. At that time, he didn’t understand Arthur’s reply.

As he opens the door and slips outside, the sentries – despite the early hour – stand smartly to attention. Kai motions them to make themselves scarce, and, with their usual discretion, they comply.

He leans over the rail, beside Arthur. “What were you reading?”

“A passage about sacrifice.” Arthur stands up straight, and faces him. “I’m sorry, Kai. I was wrong, just as you said. I should have refused Cerdig – offered myself in your place, if need be. And in future, that’s exactly what I’ll do. I swear to you, that I will never –”

“Shhh.” Kai puts a hand to Arthur’s lips. “Unlike yours, my word _can_ be recalled. I ask no promise of you. Rather, I surrender myself into your hands. In time to come, make any decision you see fit, whatever consequences I must bear, if it be for the good of our people. I give you my consent, now and forever.”

“Oh …” Arthur stares at him, his eyes unfathomable. 

Arthur is so rarely lost for words, Kai wonders if he’ll ever speak again. “Arthur?”

Arthur grabs his hand, tugs him into the longhouse, and slams the door, and him against it. Then he ghosts a hand around Kai’s face, as if learning its shape for the first time, then kisses him, cleaving to him. 

Kai opens his lips, and lets Arthur take his mouth. Then Arthur pulls away, and buries his head in Kai’s neck. “I thought I’d …” he chokes out – “thought I’d lost – thought I’d never …” 

Kai rubs his back. “It’s alright, Arthur.”

Arthur drags his sleeve across his face. “These last few days, without you here, I thought I would run mad. And Llud … he’d never have forgiven me.”

“He’d never have forgiven me, either,” Kai says ruefully. “And I don’t blame him. Anger made me foolhardy. I didn’t think …”

“When I saw Cerdig embrace you, I thought my heart would shatter.”

Kai holds Arthur away, and looks sternly at him. “You thought I had betrayed you – with _him?_ Now I’m insulted!”

Arthur sniffs. “I know it seems ridiculous … I don’t know what I thought. All I know is, he will never lay one hand on you again – not while I live.” 

“I hope you’re right.”

Arthur grips Kai’s arm. “Kai, I’m so tired.”

“Me too.” Kai purses his lips. “Shall we … go back to bed?”

“I can’t.” Arthur heaves a sigh. “It’s getting light – I have to get things organised. I must send a few cautious words about this ‘invasion’ to our allies, and dispatch look-outs to the coast.”

Kai nods. “Alright. But let’s have some breakfast first. Here –” 

He takes a wash cloth, dips it in a ewer, and dabs Arthur’s face with cold water. 

Arthur smiles wanly, then touches Kai’s right cheek, where Cerdig’s ring left its mark. “What’s this? I hadn’t even noticed –”

“It’s nothing,” Kai says, taking Arthur’s hand in his, and kissing his knuckles. “Nothing can hurt me now.”

~~ 

And so they spend the morning sending scouts and messengers, and re-organising defences. At lunchtime, Kai finds Arthur sprawling, his mouth open, asleep in his big chair. He covers him with a blanket, slips out quietly, and tells the sentries to admit no one, but to send for him instead. 

Arthur is still snoring when Kai and Llud come in for their evening meal. Kai – as ever – draws the short straw, and has to wake him.

When they’ve cleared their plates, Llud gets up, brushes himself down, and says, “Alright, you two – I’m off out.”

Arthur’s eyes meet Kai’s, as if he can’t believe their luck. “Where to?” 

Llud taps the side of his nose. “Have to see a widow about a dog! Don’t wait up.” He grins, and sets out, with a spring in his step.

Arthur sits up a little straighter in his chair. “Well – I’m feeling … quite refreshed. But you’ve been hard at it all day, Kai. It’s time you went to bed.”

“What? But it’s still only –”

His face stern, Arthur gets to his feet, and leans forward, with his hands across the table. “Did you, or did you not, just a few hours ago, surrender yourself into my hands completely?”

A delicious shiver runs up and down Kai’s spine. “Well …”

“I’m sure I heard you say so.” Arthur stalks towards him like a hungry wolf.

“For the good of our people – yes.” Trying hard not to smirk, Kai slides further down the bench, away from him. 

“What’s so funny?”

Kai casts his eyes down. “Nothing, Arthur.” 

“Do you not agree that relieving the self-appointed leader of the Celts’ tension would be for the good of our people?”

“Can’t argue with that.” Laughter bubbling in his chest, Kai studies his fingernails.

“And renewing the bonds between the said leader, and his second-in-command? Is that, too, for the good of our people?”

This time Kai looks up, grinning openly. “No member of the Council would deny the importance of it.”

“I should hope not!” Arthur lets a faint smile curl his lips. “Though I’d like to see their faces if I asked them.” He stands looking steadily at Kai. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“You’re not moving.”

“Oh …” Kai gets smartly to his feet.

Arthur starts backing him towards the bedroom door. “In there! Then remove your clothes, and lie down on your bed.”

Kai feels weak all over. “What is it with you leaders anyway? Cerdig also made me take off my tunic.”

“What?” Arthur’s eyes blaze. 

“He was softening me up. Trying to make me feel at a disadvantage.”

Arthur averts his gaze. “Did it work?”

Kai remembers standing there, bound, and stripped to the waist, amidst enemies armed with axes, spears and knives. Of course it worked – and Arthur knows it. He’s giving Kai the chance to vent his anger once again. 

But Kai isn’t angry any more. He snorts. “They were the ones at the disadvantage, sweltering in their sheepskins!”

Arthur looks up, grateful for the lie. “It’s as if they’ll forget which side they’re on, if they’re not wearing them!”

Kai laughs as he strips off his shirt. “Perhaps if we had given them only goats, and kept the sheep, they might have forgotten to fight us.” 

As Kai lies down, Arthur swiftly secures his right hand to the bedpost with a strip of cloth. 

“What –?”

Arthur bites lower lip. “Now you’re my prisoner.”

Arthur hasn’t bound him very tightly – but these fetters are ones from which Kai never wants to free himself. His prick throbs; he can see Arthur is similarly affected. Meeting Arthur’s burning gaze, he strokes himself with his free hand.

Arthur narrows his eyes dangerously. “Did I give you leave to touch yourself?”

“Better stop me, then.” 

Arthur snatches Kai’s left wrist; Kai feels Arthur’s fingers tremble as the ties the knot.

Then a troubled look comes over Arthur’s face. He picks up a candle, brings it close, and studies Kai’s left side, gently touching the bruises Cerdig’s men left when they attacked him, two … no, three nights ago. 

“Who did this to you? Saxons?”

“Who else?”

Through clenched teeth, Arthur says, “Cerdig?”

“No.”

“On Cerdig’s orders?” 

“No. His lieutenants, jealous of their positions, ambushed me. I don’t think Cerdig knew.”

Arthur turns away. “I’m sorry, Kai.”

“That was my own idiot fault. I chose to stay.”

“I drove you to it.”

“No! I was foolish – I acted on an impulse I regretted, the moment I saw you and Llud depart. Let us speak no more of it.”

Arthur nods. He turns back, goes to the bedpost, and starts untying one of the knots.

“Don’t.”

“I have no right –”

“– to do all the work?” Kai blinks innocently, squirming a little. “I was just starting to enjoy this.”

Arthur gives him an assessing look. “Well, if you put it that way –”

“It’s you who’ll be putting it – any way you like.” Kai sticks his tongue out.

Arthur’s eyes smoulder. He climbs onto the bed, braces himself over Kai, and though Kai longs for to feel Arthur’s lean body against his, Arthur holds himself above him, letting nothing touch. 

Then Arthur kisses him thoroughly. He tastes of mead, and apple pie. Arthur’s tongue strokes the roof of his mouth. Kai wants to feel Arthur’s caress inside him somewhere else, as well. He lifts his hips.

“I thought you wanted me to do the work?” Arthur says. “Lie still – no cheating.” 

“Yes, My Liege.”

“Hmmm,” Arthur rumbles. “I like that.” He dips; at last, his stiff cock nudges against Kai’s. Kai closes his eyes.

His voice like treacle, Arthur says, “I like having you like this … but I’ll have to be very gentle with you, what with all these bruises.” He laps at Kai’s left nipple, then sucks upon it.

Kai moans. It is he, the vassal, who owes Arthur this homage. Yet Arthur’s head is bent over him, the black wing of his hair caressing his chest as Arthur moves across to press a soft kiss on the other nipple.

“Those … aren’t bruised,” Kai says tentatively.

“Aren’t they?” 

Kai takes a sharp breath in. “Not yet.” 

As Arthur nips and mauls first one, then the other, Kai can hear himself whimpering; he can feel Arthur’s length, hard against his own; it’s too-much-not-enough. He spreads his legs.

Arthur pretends he hasn’t noticed. Instead he rakes his fingers through the hair in Kai’s left armpit. Kai hisses out a breath. Arthur scrapes his fingernails across each nipple, then with a sinuous motion, to the other armpit, and then back again, tormenting each in turn until Kai’s all but lost his mind. He melts and shudders under Arthur’s touch; his throat feels dry. He arches up, begging, without words, for more.

“Does my subject like that?” Arthur coolly enquires.

“Yes …” Kai manages to rasp. 

He feels like he’s on fire – wanting Arthur to touch him everywhere. Subtle fingers skitter down his ribs, and tug at his breeches, pulling the edges down, making the woollen cloth frustrate his prick. 

“Oh god …” Kai breathes, holding on.

“Yes, I am your god,” Arthur replies, too softly for the heavens to hear his blasphemy. “And you, the meanest of my servants.” He falls to kissing Kai’s feet, then takes each long toe into his mouth, sucking on it, letting his teeth graze the tip. 

Kai clenches, trying not to come. “Arthur …please …” 

“‘Please’ what?” Arthur crawls up, and mouths his prick through his breeches.

“No … please … I’m going to –”

“Does this help?” 

Carefully, Arthur frees his cock; Kai looks down and sees it standing pointing at the heavens: Arthur’s mouth poised over it. Without intending to, he lifts his hips; Arthur just licks him, like a stick of asparagus.

Kai stiffens; closes his eyes.

“No. Look at me.” 

Kai takes a deep breath, and opens them again; looks into Arthur’s midnight eyes.

“I need a promise.” Arthur looks hungrily at his cock, and presses a kiss beneath the head.

“Aa-h … I promise … anything …” Kai gasps. “Ask what you will.” 

“Swear to me now, that you will never leave me.” Arthur blows a soft breath on his prick. “Swear by something that’s important to you.”

“Then, by this weapon, ready for your use –” Kai flexes his hips – “and by my axe’s edge, I swear. And should I ever leave you, may both forever blunt. Now, please Arthur …”

Arthur engulfs him in the wet heat of his mouth; he draws off, mauls the tip, then takes him in again, and Kai cries out, spilling everything he has. 

He lies, loose-limbed cracked open. Arthur unties his hands, and lies beside him; gentles him till the tremors have subsided.

Then Kai remembers – Arthur is still in need. “What may I give you?”

“Kai … I’ve no right to ask this, but will you open yourself to me?”

“Yes … of course.”

“Even after all I’ve done?”

In a golden haze, Kai nods. Arthur removes Kai’s breeches, and his own. Kai’s mouth waters at the sight of Arthur’s weapon, flushed and full for him. 

“You can say ‘no’.”

“I can refuse you nothing – nor do I wish to. I’m forever hostage to your love – your subject, yours to command.”

Arthur takes his place between Kai’s thighs, and looks down upon him. “Your love ransoms me from my own arrogance.”

“As yours does, me, from my own foolishness. Now, will you … please get on with it, My Lord?”

Arthur smiles widely, and reaches for the pot of boar’s fat. “Time you did some work, and greased my weapon, don’t you think?”

Kai grins back, and smears Arthur liberally with the stuff, enjoying the feel of Arthur’s cock in his hand – so much that Arthur grips his wrist. “Steady … Kai, I want to be inside you when I come.”

“Alright then.” Kai lies back, and spreads himself. He feels Arthur slip one well-greased finger up inside him, and touch that place that melts him; as if Arthur’s touching the very core of him; he starts to stiffen once again, and lifts one knee. 

Arthur drops his head, hiding is face in Kai’s neck, as he enters him, and Kai strokes Arthur’s hair. “Come to me, Darling. Everything’s alright.”

 

**Fin**


End file.
